"Bicentennial Man" (1999)

Starring Robin Williams, Embeth Davidtz and Sam Neill
Written by Nicholas Kazan
Directed by Chris Columbus

To this day, you're pretty much fighting an uphill battle by casting Robin Williams in any role that's not an outright comedy.  The man's a clown, through and through, and he can rarely resist the urges that come with that persona.  It's what keeps him a comedian instead of an actor for much of his filmography.

In 1999, he starred as the robot Andrew Martin in this film adaptation of Isaac Asimov's short story"Bicentennial Man" (and the novel "The Positronic Man").  Andrew begins his life as a robot in 2005, bought and purchased by Richard Martin, whom he calls "Sir" as a servant for the family.  He soon endears himself to both "Sir" and "Little Miss," the Martins' youngest daughter, Amanda.  The elder daughter thinks nothing of Andrew, and even attempts to rid the family of this bizarre creation.  Richard's wife, "Ma'am" is disgusted by Andrew, and easily becomes frustrated by his presence.

Over time, however, Andrew develops deeper relationships with both Sir and Lil' Miss, and even begins to show human traits such as curiosity and creativity.  Richard first notices this when Andrew carves a wooden horse for Lil Miss without copying it from a picture or other source.  He determines that Andrew is unique, and takes him to visit the head of NorthAm Robotics, a Mr. Mansky (Stephen Root).  Mansky realizes the value and the danger of a unique, sentient android, and attempts to purchase Andrew back from Richard, who balks at the idea.  Instead, he encourages Andrew to explore his potential.

Eventually, the family grows older, and Andrew is further integrated into the lives of Sir and Lil Miss.  Soon, he begins his own business making and selling intricate clocks and time pieces.  He amasses a fortune of his own, and is eventually given the freedom to start his own bank account.  He becomes further and further intrigued by the notion of "freedom" and with not only seeming more human but being more human.

More time passes, and eventually Richard dies and Lil Miss has had children and grandchildren.  Andrew begins searching out other androids such as himself, but finds none.  Realizing that he's alone in the world, he begins to fund the research of Rupert Burns (Oliver Platt) in an effort to improve himself and become more human.  He eventually gains a human body, and even the ability to taste and feel.  He soon finds himself in love with Lil Miss' granddaughter, Portia.  When she finally agrees that she loves him back, the two begin a romantic relationship and Andrew pursues his ultimate goal of being declared human.

"Bicentennial Man" is a mediocre sci-fi drama, one whose major themes have been covered better elsewhere.  It's major failing is the fact that even though the film is actually just over two hours, it feels like 200 years.  Too many scenes retread the same material that we've been over earlier in the film.  Andrew's advancement as a person seems to happen in fits and starts and most of it seems rather perfunctory.  His only real emotional development happens when he realizes that he's in love with Portia, which he is only able to recognize after being told that it's the likely scenario by Oliver Platt's character, Rupert.  There rest of it mostly deals with Andrew pursuing recognition of his unique status, like being able to open a bank account or the ability to 'create' something.

It might seem strange, but I have to argue that the same story was told much better and more concisely by the 'Sonny' character played by Alan Tudyk in "I, Robot" with Will Smith.  While that film suffered a bit too much from Smith's personality overpowering his character (something that happens often with Williams in "Bicentennial Man," too) Sonny's development seems far more interesting and emotionally satisfying to watch, and he wasn't even the main character of that film.   A huge part of the difference is that Sonny is intelligent enough to investigate emotions on his own, and the exploration of his dreams are key, as well.

Tudyk's performance as Sonny easily trumps Williams', as well.  At no point did I forget during this film that I'm watching Robin Williams as a robot.  Williams never disappears into his character, and there are too many clownish bits in the performance for me to ever really take his journey all that seriously, either.  Though Andrew sometimes seems to experience emotions, and does so more and more as he becomes more human, he never seems to understand that he is feeling them.  They don't come through in his performance at all, and not just because in his robot form he lacks much of the ability of human expression.  Tone of voice is extremely important, just as much as expression, in a performance, but Andrew's rarely varies.

Beyond just Williams' performance, there's a lack of emotional connection with pretty much everyone in the film, which is a problem I've had with other Chris Columbus films (notably, the first "Harry Potter," which felt like watching an adaptation of a check list of scenes from the book rather than a story). That's the thing that breaks this movie's back, ultimately, even more so than any other issue I might have with it.  The other characters in the Martin family appear and disappear for long stretches of time, and ultimately have no bearing at all on Andrew or even the other family members.  The elder sister, Grace, the one that hates Andrew, is never developed beyond her dislike of Andrew and ultimately is just dropped altogether from the film.

The repetitious nature of the script doesn't help at all, and it feels like we watch Williams going through the same motions again and again.  There are some genuinely charming scenes, and the arc of the story overall is fascinating stuff (otherwise, it wouldn't have been explored so often and so well in sci-fi) but "Bicentennial Man" fails to capitalize on that potential.

In terms of production design, Andrew seems very retro in a world around him designed to look very modern.  He looks very much like someone took an image from the cover of an old printing of Asimov's stories and built it around Robin Williams, while the semi-translucent CG robots of "I, Robot" looked far more in keeping with the world around them.

James Horner's score is an overwrought and overpowering piece of work, using huge cues of swelling strings to overcome the fact that you're not likely to give a damn about any of the drama of the film's characters.  It's like he saw how boring this movie was and decided that it was his duty to try and make up for it.  It doesn't particularly work.

In the end, I can't really recommend "Bicentennial Man" too strongly, if at all.  Its major problem is just that it's fairly boring, but not outright bad in any fashion.  The script is too repetitious, the performances aren't nuanced enough and the score is to overbearing.

"Black Dynamite" (2009)

Starring Michael Jai White, Arsenio Hall and Tommy Davidson
Written by Michael Jai White and Byron Minns
Directed by Scott Sanders

"Cream Corn, NOOOOOOOO!"

"Black Dynamite" is a ridiculous, hilarious spoof of the "Blaxploitation" genre of the 70s.  It's loaded with stereotypes and racial slurs, but all used for hilarious effect, amping up the absurdity of those films to new heights and also winking at them in a sly manner.

Michael Jai White stars as Black Dynamite, a former soldier and CIA operative who finds out his brother has been killed by "The Man."  When he discovers that his brother was a drug dealer, he declares war on drugs in the ghetto, vowing to clean up this rotten town once and for all... by killing all the drug dealers.  He gathers his posse, including buddies with names like Cream Corn, Bullhorn, Tasty Freeze and Saheed.  Together, they clean up the town and discover some kind of large drug shipment coming into town related to a corrupt politician, Senator James (Tucker Smallwood).  But when they storm his warehouse, they find only cases of malt liquor.  But Black Dynamite doesn't accept defeat, and discovers James is connected to a vast, world-wide conspiracy by the Man to bring down the Black Man.

To give away the various twists and turns of this ridiculous story would just be cruel.  "Black Dynamite" is full of laugh-out-loud moments that come from startling, absurd revelations.  It's also full of more charming, subtle humor.  For example, during what could probably be called an "emotional" soliloquy by Black Dynamite about growing up in the hood and only knowing how to fight, a boom mike enters the top of the frame.  It stays there for the entire lengthy shot, and this would be funny enough, except that the film goes one step further and Black Dynamite actually notices the boom mike, does a double take, and still keeps delivering his lines anyway.  It's absurd, but charming and utterly hilarious.

White plays Black Dynamite with a delivery I didn't think he was really capable of.  I'd seen him in movies like "Spawn" and his small role in "The Dark Knight" but I'd never really seen him do much more than sneer and act threatening (and that's even as a good guy in "Spawn").  Here, he's able to take that similar sort of role and twist it upside down with a wink and a non-smile (trust me, that makes sense in the movie).  The way Black Dynamite will treat the people he loves almost the same rage-fueled way he treats the scum he's taking down is downright hilarious, especially when he apologizes to them afterward (again, that makes sense in the movie, too).

The film is shot and edited in the style of those 70s blaxploitation films, on grainy 16 mm film and a color palette that seems to skew towards orange.  Camera gaffes, poor lighting, editing mixups... it's all here, but this time it's intentional.  Director Scott Sanders has quite an eye for comedic pacing, and Jai's abilities as a martial artist are both put to good use and lampooned.  For every genuinely impressive move, there's another that obviously fails to connect but the thug will go down anyway.  The film has a look of cheapness that's downright hilarious, too.  Witness the scene in the orphanage, which you'd only know was an orphanage because of a sign behind the characters that says "Orphanage."

That orphanage scene is an absolute riot, by the way.  "Ain't nothin' in the world get Black Dynamite more mad than some jive-ass sucka dealin' smack to da kids!"  Watching a ten year old slap his arm waiting for a hit, or another asking Black Dynamite to pimp out whores for drug money... I couldn't stop laughing.

That's pretty much how the whole movie went, in fact.  It's hilarious, through and through.  I'm not very knowledgeable of blaxploitation as a genre, but this was not a problem at all with "Black Dynamite."  This film is funny, plain and simple.  It does for 70s blaxploitation films what "Hot Fuzz" did for big-budget Hollywood action flicks.  The gags are non-stop, and totally hilarious.  Watch this movie.

"The Proposal" (2009)

Starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds and Betty White
Written by Peter Chiarelli
Directed by Anne Fletcher

I'm not the hugest fan of Sandra Bullock.  Her voice can be grating, and her looks can be a bit too sharp for my tastes.  Still, it's hard to deny that she's a charismatic performer, and when paired with someone like Ryan Reynolds, the results can be fun and charming, if utterly predictable.

Bullock stars as Margaret Tate, a hard-assed book editor at a major publishing company in New York.  Her long-suffering assistant, Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds) gets the shock of his life when Margaret tells their bosses that they've gotten engaged.  Margaret, it seems, is actually Canadian, and has managed to screw up her Visa badly enough that the United States is ready to deport her.  She makes up the engagement with Andrew as a last-ditch effort to stay and keep her job. 

Andrew is, of course, rather flabbergasted by this, but Margaret practically blackmails him into doing it.  An immigration investigator, Gilbertson (Denis O'Hare) is assigned to the case to determine whether or not the engagement is a fraud.  He warns Margaret and Andrew of the consequences if he discovers so, but they stick to their guns.  However, this means that Margaret must accompany Andrew on his trip home to Alaska for his grandmother's 90th birthday. 

There, they meet Andrew's parents, Grace and Joe (Mary Steenburgen and Craig T. Nelson) and his grandmother, Annie (Betty White) and his ex-girlfriend Gertrude (Malin Akerman).  Andrew and Margaret must use this weekend to learn as much about each other as possible so they can pass an immigration interview with Gilbertson that will determine the outcome of their case.  And although neither of them expects it to happen, as they spend time with each other and with Andrew's family, they start to develop feelings for each other.  Things are complicated when Andrew's family begins to insist that they get married right away, and the arrival of Gilbertson at the family home in Alaska.

If "Independence Day" is the perfect example of a summer blockbuster, then "The Proposal" might be the perfect example of the romantic comedy.  It's lightweight, with broad characters and inoffensive humor.  It suffers from a lot of the problems of the romantic comedy genre, not the least of which is that the movie's idea of "love" seems to happen a bit too quickly and conveniently.  One could argue that Andrew and Margaret loved each other long before the events of the film, and are only just realizing it, but the movie doesn't really present it this way.  Indeed, we are explicitly told that things changed for the both of them when they kiss for the first time in front of Andrew's family.  And at the end, when Andrew goes through the typical romantic comedy guy chases down the girl and makes a bold, public declaration of his love, he tells her flat-out that he downright loathed her just a few days earlier.  It's tempered by the fact that Andrew says he's proposing to her so that he can date her, but that simply feels like too little too late since he already said he was in love with her.

"The Proposal" really succeeds through the able cast that can really sell the script's funnier moments.  Ryan Reynolds is a master of awkward silences and sarcasm, and Bullock is quite capable of putting on an air of bitchy superiority.  A lot of her gags involve a fish out of water comedy where the big city girl can't quite handle small-town life.  Most of these are fairly obvious, but she plays them well.  The best parts involve Reynolds and Bullock interacting together, and the personality clashes.  Romantic comedies live or die by the chemistry between the leads, and thankfully Bullock and Reynolds have it.  The two of them are better able to sell their characters feelings for each other than the script is.

Betty White steals the show as Grandma Annie.  But then, that's what Betty White does, always.  Her recent explosion in popularity, topped by a hysterical turn as host on "Saturday Night Live" is well-deserved.  White's ability to inject wit and wisdom into any situation is put to excellent use here.  Her delivery during a scene where she explains the 'magical powers' of a special blanket is hilarious, as is her facilitation of the climax. 

Special credit should also go to Oscar Nunez of "The Office," who plays Ramon, a crazed character who seems to play nearly every role in the film that could've been taken by a number of nameless, silly townsfolk.  Instead, Ramon is a waiter, a shopkeeper, a priest and even an exotic dancer.  The film could simply have cast multiple characters, but having all these disparate roles played by a single character gives the film that little extra bit of absurdity that it needs.

I don't typically give a lot of credit to romantic comedies.  Too many of them are cloying, throwing as much sugar onto the romantic part as possible without much comedy.  It's a genre that's often more like cinematic junkfood, empty calories that are easily mass-produced and don't leave much of an impression.  The atrocious works of the utterly untalented Freddie Prinze Jr, for example.  But occasionally you get one that works, usually the result of having talented performers and filmmakers coming aboard.  As an aside, I was surprised to see the film was executive produced by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, the screenwriters responsible for lots of recent blockbusters like "Transformers" and "Star Trek." 

So "The Proposal" is one of the better romantic comedies I've seen recently, certainly besting ones I've watched such as "The Bounty Hunter."  It could use a bit more depth in the character and drama department, and most of the story beats are predictable from the outset, but the gags are pretty funny and so is the cast.  Speaking of gags, be sure to watch the immigration interviews in the end credits, as some of the films best moments are there. 

"Step Brothers" (2008)

Starring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Mary Steenburgen
Written by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay
Directed by Adam McKay

Will Ferrell reteams with Adam McKay, director of "Anchorman" and "Talladega Nights" for another ridiculous comedy.  This time, Ferrell stars as Brennan Huff, a 39-year-old man-child still living with his mother, Nancy (Mary Steenburgen).  When Nancy falls in love with and marries Robert (Richard Jenkins), she and Brennan move into Robert's home and meet his 40-year-old man-child still living at home, Dale (John C. Reilly).

Dale and Brennan start out hating each other, despite their obvious similarities.  Their rivalry begins to escalate, and eventually begins to take its toll on Nancy and Robert's marriage.  Brennan and Dale, however, finally start to form a friendship when Nancy's other son, Derek (Adam Scott), arrives and proves himself to be a supreme asshole.  Unlike Brennan and Dale, Derek is a successful businessman, and has no problem rubbing that success in anyone's face. 

When their jealousy of Derek's success leads them to destroy Robert's prized boat, Dale and Brennan need to man up and figure out how to save Nancy and Robert's marriage. 

"Step Brothers" is reasonably funny, but can't match the manic absurdity of "Anchorman," or the cleverness of "The Hangover," to compare it to other recent comedies.  In terms of Apatow productions, it also doesn't have the heart of "Knocked Up" or "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," either.  In that respect, "Step Brothers" is a disappointment.  But on its own terms, "Step Brothers" is still loaded with ridiculous lines and gags.  The best parts come from Ferrell and Reilly obviously trying to one-up each other.

The best parts are also in the first half of the film, when Dale and Brennan still hate each other.  Once they become friends, things don't seem to work out quite so well.  And the film's attempt to catch up with a plot and mature the two for the film's climax feels slight.  Personally, I thought the best jokes were the ones that aren't gross - that is, I'd rather watch Ferrell and Reilly threatening each other in bed, being openly hostile at dinner, or wearing tuxedos to job interviews.  A recurring gag of Dale and Brennan sleepwalking is also a riot, since it essentially involves Ferrell and Reilly walking around like zombies and doing whatever ridiculous thing comes to mind, like putting couch pillows in the oven or drinking straight coffee grinds.  The film's most inspired scene takes place midway through the end credits, when Dale and Brennan get revenge on some schoolyard bullies by beating up and entire schoolyard full of children using awkward Kung Fu moves.

Still, Ferrell and Reilly have obvious chemistry together.  Even at the height of their hatred for each other, the two come off like friends riffing on each other.  These are the bits that are easy to get into, where the film is the most watchable.  Steenburgen (who, I'm not gonna lie, looks hotter now than she did 20 years ago) and Jenkins make fine straight men to Reilly and Ferrell's absurdity.  Steenburgen doesn't have too much to do besides look desperate, however.  Adam Scott as Derek is perfectly douchey, and Andrea Savage is spot-on in her bit role as Brennan's therapist-turned-girlfriend.    Special props should also go to Kathryn Hahn, who plays Derek's desperate wife Alice with the kind of insanity this film could use a little more of.

Still, despite missed opportunities, "Step Brothers" is pretty dang funny. 

"Independence Day" (1996)

Starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum
Written by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich
Directed by Roland Emmerich

I have a confession: I watch this movie every 4th of July.  Let there be no mistake, this movie is pretty damn retarded.  And yet, I also find it highly entertaining.  The plot is a mishmash of alien invasion cliches and the characters are written in broad strokes.  It's unswervingly pro-American, which would probably be uncomfortable if the rest of the film weren't so utterly ridiculous.

While the United States is readying for its largest national holiday, a massive alien spacecraft enters orbit around the planet.  Huge, city-sized flying saucers detach from it and enter the atmosphere, settling over Earth's major cities, but the film only focuses on Los Angeles, New York and Washington DC.  It is in these three cities that we meet our disparate cast of characters: President Whitmore (Bill Pullman), press secretary Connie Spano (Margaret Colin), genius cable TV technician David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and his father Julius (Judd Hirsch), Marine fighter pilot Steven Hiller (Will Smith) and his girlfriend Jasmine (Vivica Fox), Whitmore's wife Marilyn (Mary McDonnell), and crop duster pilot Russell Casse (Randy Quaid).

As the alien ships position themselves around the Earth, Whitmore and Spano attempt to keep the United States from tearing itself apart through panic and attempt to communicate with the aliens.  Meanwhile, Levinson discovers a signal hidden inside Earth's satellite network that is slowly counting down to zero.  He rushes to Washington to attempt to inform Whitmore and Spano (who is Levinson's ex-wife, by the way).  He manages to tell them just in time to evacuate the White House just as the aliens begin their attack, firing weapons down at the cities that are capable of destroying entire cities in a single shot.  Hiller is ordered to lead a counterstrike against the aliens which results in disaster; his entire squadron is lost, including his best friend, Jimmy (Harry Connick Jr).  However, Hiller manages to take down one of the alien fighters, and kidnaps its pilot.

Air Force One heads for Area 51, where it is learned that the US government has kept an alien vessel for the last forty-something years.  When Hiller arrives with the kidnapped pilot and the aliens' plan to strip the Earth of its natural resources is revealed, Levinson is able to devise a way to disable the alien ship's shields, and the United States will lead a massive, worldwide counter-offensive against the alien invaders.  Hiller and Levinson will fly the Roswell alien ship up to the mothership in orbit to attempt to disable it, which will give the fighters on Earth a chance to destroy the aliens once and for all.

The setup of "Independence Day" is much akin to disaster movies of the 70s, with its large cast of characters who come together through a complex sequence of events, only this time wrapped in all the cliches of an alien invasion movie.  Director Emmerich would use this template for nearly every single one of his films after "Independence Day" (save "The Patriot") including "Godzilla," "The Day After Tomorrow" and "2012".  There's the scientist everyone either thinks is a crackpot or no one will believe until it's too late, massive sequences of destruction and mayhem, heavy-handed moral messages, the fictional US President that seems far more noble than any real one... 

"Independence Day" lets the rest of the world sit and wait for the United States to save the world, literally.  Once Levinson's plan is devised, we get a short sequence of military units in other parts of the world literally sitting around and saying, "Well it's about time!"  I imagine this didn't go over hugely well with international audiences, but here in America, it sang to the tune of $300 million at the box office. 


The movie is rife with problems, beyond its chauvinistic patriotism.  It's absurdly melodramatic, with not a single emotional moment for the characters not represented by a huge swelling string orchestra.  The beginning of the movie simply takes too long to get to the destruction everyone wants to see, trying to paint these characters as people we might give a damn about.  The fact that any of our computer technology might interface with that of such a completely alien civilization, let alone a Macbook from 1996, is unbelievable, and yet the whole climax of the film hinges on this conceit. 

The visual effects, pretty much the pinnacle of miniature model work before CGI became the dominant method, still hold up quite well for most of the flick.  The lengthy sequences of destruction are still rather spectacular, especially those featuring recognizable landmarks like the White House and the Empire State Building.  Why audiences love watching such beloved places blown to smithereens is beyond me, and yet... we do.  There's a sort of visceral jolt associated with it that I can't quite justify.

David Arnold's massive score fits the action perfectly, with lots of sweeping strings and booming, patriotic brass.  As the movie is asking you to pump your fist and shout, "America, fuck yeah!" so is this score, with all of the heroic moments accompanied perfectly by energetic themes that somehow don't manage to turn utterly silly.

On blu-ray, the film actually looks quite good.  There's a somewhat inconsistent amount of grain, but that's to be expected from a movie like this, especially one made with more old-school special effects techniques.  The grain gives it a nice, film-like look but doesn't destroy detail.  This disc looks amazing compared to the (numerous) DVD releases, with excellent detail visible on skin and clothes, and also on all the alien technology.  Like the grain, sound is also inconsistent.  The surrounds absolutely come alive during the action sequences, but during quieter parts of the movie, remain fairly inactive.  The bass is pretty astonishing, however.  The subwoofer shakes the house throughout this entire film.

Despite all of its problems, I can't help but love "Independence Day."  It is the quintessential summer blockbuster, full of absurd storylines, broad characters and huge action sequences.  I've made a tradition out of watching this film every year on July 4th, and it's one I don't intend to give up soon.  Frankly, I think this should be one of those movies that gets played on some cable station for 24 hours like "A Christmas Story."  It's ludicrous, unbelievable, funny and fun. 

"Universal Soldier: Regeneration" (2009)

Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren and Andre 'The Pitbull' Arlovski
Written by Victor Ostrovsky
Directed by John Hyams

The History of "Universal Soldier"
-The original "Universal Soldier" starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren is released in theatres in 1992.
-A TV movie sequel, "Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms," not starring Van Damme, is released in 1998
-A second TV movie sequel, "Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business," also not starring Van Damme, is also released in 1998.
-A second theatrical feature, "Universal Soldier: The Return," once again starring Van Damme, is released in 1999.  It ignores the events of the two TV movies.
-In 2009, a direct-to-video sequel, "Universal Soldier: Regeneration" is released, once again starring Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren.  It seems to ignore the events of both "The Return" and the TV movies, and even muddies the history of the original film, as well.

Ah, Jean-Claude Van Damme.  It's easy to rag on this guy, considering the sheer number of bad movies he's made.  Of course, it's nothing like what Steven Seagal has become, and at least Van Damme is still in reasonable shape, so let's give him credit where credit is due.

Much of "Universal Soldier: Regeneration" feels like a cash-in on the property.  Van Damme spends most of the movie strapped to a chair, and Dolph Lundgren only appears in about two scenes.  Despite this, "Regeneration" is actually rather entertaining.  Director John Hyams, son of Peter Hyams (director of films like "Outland," "Sudden Death" and "End of Days") directs this direct-to-video sequel rather well.  Despite its low-budget origins, "Regeneration" presents a number of well-executed, entertaining action sequences.  While Van Damme spends most of the movie sidelined, once he gets going, he's the incarnation of badass.

The movie begins with the two children of the Russian president being kidnapped by a well-armed and prepared strike team.  The resulting chase wrecks a number of cars and slaughters the local police force.  The children are loaded into a helicopter and the escape is made.  Not long after, a rogue military force under the command of Commander Topov (Zahary Baharov) seize the abandoned city of Chernobyl, and more importantly, the remnants of the nuclear reactor there.  They wire it with explosives, and give the president 72 hours to release hundreds of political prisoners, or he'll kill the children and detonate the nuclear reactor, releasing a radioactive dust cloud that could poison millions.

Complicating matters is that Topov has an "NGU," or Next-Generation Universal Soldier, (Andrei 'The Pitbull' Arlovski) under his command, thanks to corrupt scientist Dr. Colin (Kerry Shale).  Impervious to pain, programmed only to follow orders, the NGU proves nearly unstoppable when a rescue force of American and Russian soldiers storm Chernobyl to get the kids back.  Only Captain Burke (Mike Pyle) makes it out unharmed.  The rest of the soldiers are decimated, including four original UniSol's brought in to assist them.  The mission's last hope is Luc Devereaux (Van Damme) the last remaining original UniSol, who now lives in Sweden and is undergoing therapy to try and reintegrate into society.

Unfortunately, the only way Devereaux can be effective in battle against the NGU is to reverse all the progress he's made over the last few years and revert to the mindless weapon he was before.  The military, of course, isn't about to give him this option, and kidnaps him outright and begins the procedure.  Meanwhile, Captain Burke convinces his superiors to allow him to attempt to infiltrate Chernobyl alone to do recon for Devereaux's eventual mission to retrieve the kids and stop the bomb.  He manages to sneak in alone, and manages to plant surveillance cameras around the area. 

But the president has other plans, and announces his intentions to go along with Topov's demands.  Topov's men celebrate, but Dr. Colin isn't along for the ride.  It seems he's revived a second UniSol, a clone of Andrew Scott, the man who went nuts and tried to kill Devereaux in the original film.  Of course, his clone proves just as insane and impossible to control as the original.  Now reverted to a mindless automaton, Devereaux is tasked with the mission to take back Chernobyl.

What follows is the best part of the movie, bar-none.  Van Damme is an unstoppable killing machine, and by-god does he kill.  The cleverness and the technical craft on display here is far too good for a direct-to-video movie.  It gets even better once he runs out of ammunition and starts taking on Topov's goons with his bare hands and a knife.  This sequence is entirely too cool to be squandered on a movie with such a small audience as this one likely has.

Van Damme's fight with Lundgren is also pretty cool, but sadly disappointing in that it simply is over too soon.  In fact, I question why Lundgren is even in this film.  His role could easily have been fulfilled by the NGU soldier.  The fact that Devereaux loses his memory and personality and that Scott is a clone with no memory either means that their eventual confrontation carries no meaning for either of them.  It matters only to the audience members who have seen the original movie and know what happened between the two of them, since "Regeneration" doesn't bother to recap those events in any fashion, either through flashbacks or expository dialogue.  Lundgren's role is essentially a cameo, which is unfortunate since he's so much fun to have around.  I will say, though, that his defeat, quick as it was, is also one of the film's most clever kills.

The same can almost be said for Van Damme.  He gets only a handful of lines, and spends most of the movie strapped to a chair.  Most of the plot moves forward following Burke and his men, with the occasional cut back to Van Damme running on a treadmill or, again, strapped to that chair.  The characters are paper-thin, and the plot is paint-by-numbers "rogue Russian general wants independence for his hard-liners bla bla bla".  But the action sequences are key here.  They're surprisingly well-produced, right from the opening chase, to Van Damme's killing spree and the fights with Lundgren and Arlovski. 

It's on that level that I have to recommend "Universal Soldier: Regeneration."  Van Damme looks bored the entire time, even when he's pulling off all these badass moves.  It's kind of ridiculous, but I suppose it's part of his character, or something.  I'm not sure.  But when he kills, he does it well and it's a blast to watch. 

"The Book of Eli" (2010)

Starring Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis and Gary Oldman
Written by Gary Whitta
Directed by Albert and Allen Hughes

Fuckin' traffic...

Denzel Washington should do more action movies.  He's got the gravitas to pull off badassness and also give a good dramatic performance, two things that are crucial in the best action pictures.  "The Book of Eli," however, is not one of the best action pictures.  It's not a bad one, but it presents heady ideas that it doesn't give enough exploration to so that it mostly comes across as an exercise in style over substance.

Eli (Washington) is a man on a mission... from God.  He walks across a desolate, ruined landscape, alone, with only the pack on his back.  He must scrounge for food and water.  He must avoid roving packs of hijackers and cannibals.  In his pack he carries the book, the last known copy of the Bible, and he must take it west to where it will be protected.  One day, he comes across a small community where he stops to charge his battery and refill his canteen.  There he meets Carnegie (Oldman), another man like himself who is old enough to remember the old world before "The Flash."  Carnegie has gangs out searching the countryside for a particular book - guess which one?

Once Carnegie learns that Eli is carrying a copy of the Bible, he figures he must do whatever he can to get his hands on it.  Carnegie knows that in the world before the war, the power of the Bible was used to rule over many, and that's power he wants for himself.  Eli manages to escape with the book, and with Solara (Kunis), a young girl trying to escape Carnegie's tyrannical reign.  Carnegie's men attempt to kill Eli, but it seems that he's harder to kill than any normal man.  Is he protected by God?  Or is he just a man, as Carnegie insists.  To what lengths will Carnegie go to possess the book?

"The Book of Eli" is a grimy, post-apocalyptic adventure.  It's well-shot, with blown out contrasts giving an appropriate desolation to the landscape.  The action sequences are also impressive, with lots of interesting camera movements that really let you drink in the action, instead of letting everything get lost in shakiness.  The climactic action sequence in a remote farmhouse is actually quite technically impressive, as it appears to have been done with one long take.  Obviously, it hasn't, since the camera moves through bullet holes in walls and such, but it's still a very cool effect.

The script, however, isn't quite as impressive as the technical production.  The story has intriguing ideas about the effects of religion (indeed, "the book" is said to be the basis for the war that ravaged society) but it doesn't really explore these ideas outside of a couple of perfunctory or expository conversations.  Eli only spends a few seconds trying to explain the concept of faith to Solara, and quotes from the Bible at times, and prays over his meals.  "The Book of Eli" could be a deep exploration of the meaning of faith versus religion, and how the power of the word of God can corrupt impure men.  But it's not, and as such, as entertaining as it is, it feels like a missed opportunity for that reason.  The ultimate 'twist' at the end of the film regarding the Bible that Eli carries around, and Eli himself, is rather clever, but it would carry more dramatic weight if the rest of the film had more depth to support it.

Still, it is entertaining.  Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman are both exceptionally talented performers who are fun to watch, almost regardless of what roles they're playing.  Here, Oldman does his usual charismatic, semi-psychotic villain, but even though we've seen this performance from him a zillion times, it never seems to get old.  Washington is equally adept at being a man who seems both weary and driven at the same time.   He also proves himself more than capable handling the film's fight sequences, handing out mass quantities of ass-whoopery on the unwashed hordes.

The details of the world are also quite entertaining.  Eli carries around a barely functioning old iPod, and a battery he uses to power it which must be recharged periodically.  He washes using old handiwipes from KFC.  People check to see if others are cannibals by looking to see if their hands shake.  Everyone wears sunglasses to protect their eyes from dangerous sunlight.

And as I said, the action sequences are pretty excellent.  In the end, "The Book of Eli" is worth watching, as the cast is entertaining and the action is cool, but one can't help but wish that there was a bit more substance to go with all this sweet style.