"Maggie" (2015)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Abigail Breslin and Joely Richardson
Written by John Scott 3
Directed by Henry Hobson
Rated PG-13 — Frightening images
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Trailer

Society teeters on the edge of recovery from a major outbreak of a zombie virus, and strict quarantine and curfew rules are in place. Wade Vogel (Arnold Schwarzenegger) travels from his farm to the city to pick up his daughter, who has been infected. The virus takes several weeks to fully transform the infected, so Wade is allowed to take Maggie (Abigail Breslin) home for her final days, thanks to a favor from a doctor friend.

But as Maggie gets sicker, and the day approaches when Maggie is required to report back to quarantine for termination, Wade struggles with the decision. Will he hand over his daughter to be killed by the government, or will he hold on to her as long as some part is still human, no matter the consequences?

"Terminator Genisys" (2015)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke and Jai Courtney
Written by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier
Directed by Alan Taylor
Rated PG-13 — Violence, language, brief nudity
Running Time: 126 Minutes
Trailer

In a future decimated by machines controlled by the malevolent artificial intelligence known as Skynet, John Connor (Jason Clarke) leads a human resistance to take back the world. His best friend and lieutenant, Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is always loyal and by his side. On the night that the human resistance finally destroys Skynet, ending its machine reign of terror, John reveals the existence of Skynet's last and greatest weapon: a time machine. He also reveals to Reese that Skynet has sent a Terminator back through time to kill his mother, Sarah (Emilia Clarke).

Reese, in love with Sarah after all of John's stories and carrying around her picture for years, volunteers to go back in time to protect her. But as he appears in 1984, things are not as he expected. Instead of the T-800 (a young CGI Arnold Schwarzenegger) that he expects, Reese is attacked by a liquid metal T-1000 (Lee Byung-Hun) and rescued by Sarah and her guardian Terminator (the real Arnold Schwarzenegger).

With Terminators traveling to different time periods again and again, the timeline has become fractured. But although Skynet's Terminators get more and more advanced, the changing timelines has given Kyle Reese an advantage: memories of an alternate life he can use to stop it from ever happening. With a new and even more unstoppable machine after them, Reese, Sarah and "Pops" the Terminator travel from 1984 to 2017 on the ultimate mission to stop Skynet — forever.

"Sabotage" (2014)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Olivia Williams and Sam Worthington
Written by Skip Woods and David Ayer
Directed by David Ayer
Rated R - Strong violence, language, nudity
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Trailer

John "Breacher" Wharton leads an elite squad of DEA tactical agents. On his team are James "Monster" Murray (Sam Worthington) and his wife Lizzy Murray (Mirielle Enos), Julius "Sugar" Edmonds (Terrence Howard), Joe "Grinder" Phillips (Joe Manganiello), Tom "Pyro" Roberts (Max Martini), Eddie "Neck" Jordan (Josh Holloway), Bryce "Tripod" McNeely (Kevin Vance) and "Smoke" Jennings (Mark Shlegel). And together they have just stolen $10 million from a vicious drug cartel during a DEA raid. But later that evening when they go to retrieve their stolen payout from its hiding place, they find that someone's taken the money.

Worse, the DEA figures out that $10 million is missing from the raid and puts the team under intense scrutiny. Six months later, the team is splintered. They've lost their trust in each other. And things are about to get worse: Someone starts picking them off. One by one, the bodies are found mutilated in ways that implicate the cartel, and Breacher partners with Atlanta PD homicide detective Caroline Brentwood (Olivia Williams) to find out who's offing his friends.

The closer Brentwood gets to the case, however, the less it seems to make sense. Who is playing whom? Who are the real killers? And what happened to all that dirty money?

"The Expendables 3" (2014)

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Mel Gibson
Written by Sylvester Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt
Directed by Patrick Hughes
Rated PG-13 - Violence, language
Running Time: 126 Minutes
Trailer

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) has a crisis of conscience after a CIA-sponsored mission goes sour. With his friend and teammate Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) wounded and in the hospital, Ross disbands the Expendables and plans to go after the man responsible: Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), a former teammate Ross thought he'd killed years earlier.

With the help of a recruiter named Bonaparte (Kelsey Grammer), Ross recruits a new generation of Expendables: Smilee (Kellan Lutz), Luna (Ronda Rousey), Thorn (Glen Powell) and Mars (Victor Ortiz). Ross' CIA contact, Drummer (Harrison Ford), wants Stonebanks brought in alive. When their capture op goes sour and Stonebanks ends up with the new team as hostages, the old Expendables, Christmas (Jason Statham), Toll Road (Randy Couture), Doctor Death (Wesley Snipes), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunnar (Dolph Lundgren) and Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) along with wild-eyed newcomer Galgo (Antonio Banderas) decide to get the band back together.

"The Last Stand" (2013)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker and Johnny Knoxville
Written by Andrew Knauer
Directed By Kim Ji-Woon
Rated R - Violence, language
Running Time: 107 Minutes
Trailer (Red band)

FBI Agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker) is overseeing the transfer of a dangerous Federal prisoner to death row. Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) is one of the most vile and vicious drug lords in history, and he's due to be executed. Bannister thinks he's got it all covered, but Cortez's men manage to break him free during the transfer, and Cortez is now rocketing toward the Mexican border in a specially-modified Corvette ZR-1.

The only thing standing in his way? Small-town sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Ray, a former Los Angeles narcotics detective, is called to investigate the murder of a local farmer in the middle of the night. Soon enough, his deputies, Jerry (Zach Gilford), Sarah (Jaime Alexander) and "Figgy" (Luis Guzman) are involved in a firefight on the farmer's property with Cortez's mercenaries, led by the vicious Burrell (Peter Stormare), who are building a bridge across the ravine into Mexico.  Ray warns Bannister that Cortez's men are in town, but Bannister won't be able to get his forces there in time.

So Ray and his small, inexperienced band of deputies will arm up and make their last stand in the middle of Main Street to prevent Cortez from escaping to freedom. Aided by a drunken former Marine (Rodrigo Santoro) and the local gun nut (Johnny Knoxville), this small band of weirdos will take on vicious mercenaries hell bent on getting their boss through town at whatever the cost.

"The Expendables 2" (2012)

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Jean-Claude Van Damme
Written by Richard Wenk and Sylvester Stallone
Directed by Simon West
Rated R - Strong bloody violence throughout and language
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Trailer

They're all back.

The Expendables, Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li),  Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and newcomer Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) are hired to save a a Chinese billionaire from kidnappers in Nepal.  When they bust into the compound, they make a surprising discovery: Barney's rival, Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who was captured while also trying a rescue attempt.

Soon enough, Barney and the others make their bloody, extravagant escape and head home.  Barney is then approached by Church (Bruce Willis) with a mission, to make up for the millions Barney cost him in the first film.  Barney and his team are paired with Maggie (Yu Nan) and tasked with retrieving computer data from a downed plane in the mountains of Albania.  But the team runs afoul of Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) a terrorist who uses the information to locate buried weapons-grade plutonium in a nearby mine that he plans to sell.

One murdered teammate later, and Barney and the rest of the Expendables are out for vengeance.  Cue more gunfire and cheesy banter than you know what to do with.

"Batman & Robin" (1997)

Starring George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman
Written by Akiva Goldsman
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Rated PG-13 - Violence, language, sexual themes
Running Time: 125 minutes
Trailer

This movie sucks.

Batman (George Clooney) and Robin (Chris O'Donnell) are called to the Gotham Museum, which is under attack by the villainous Mr. Freeze (Arnold Schwarzenegger).  Freeze is stealing the largest diamonds he can find in order to power the suit that keeps him cold and alive, as well as his ultimate weapon, a 'freezing engine'.  Or whatever.

Meanwhile, in some random South American laboratory, weirdo scientist Pamela Isley (Uma Thurman) has been experimenting with creating plant/animal hybrids... or whatever.  Her lab partner, Dr. Woodrue, has used her research to create Venom, a super-steroid he plans to sell to the highest bidder.  He experiments on a local prisoner and creates Bane (Jeep Swenson), a massive, overly muscled, monosyllabic henchman.  ...or whatever.

After Woodrue tries to kill her with the Venom, Isley transforms into Poison Ivy, a sultry half-woman/half-plant (or whatever), kills Woodrue and takes Bane on a trip to Gotham to destroy Bruce Wayne.

Yada yada yada, Alfred (Michael Gough) is dying, his niece Barbara (Alicia Silverstone) shows up for some reason, Batman and Robin start bickering like dicks, and eventually there's some bullshit about freezing the entire planet and replacing people with plants.

Or whatever.

"Terminator Salvation" (2009)

Starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin
Written by John Brancato and Michael Ferris
Directed by McG
Rated PG-13 / R (Director's Cut) - Violence, language, nudity
Running Time: 115 minutes


Oy.

Well, okay... If I can get away with a bad pun, I'll just start out by saying "Terminator Salvation" is saved by its action sequences.  A lot of the plot just doesn't really make sense, the performance of a key player is too weak to sustain much interest, and the third act is a muddled mess.

But it's all very pretty, in a dirty, grungy kind of way.

The year is 2018.  John Connor (Christian Bale, taking over for Nick Stahl who took over for Eddie Furlong) is now a fully-grown man leading one arm of the human resistance against the computer intelligence Skynet and its army of Terminators and fleet of airborne Hunter-Killers.  He's married to Kate Brewster (Bryce Dallas-Howard taking over for Claire Danes), who is pregnant.  Connor leads a mission to infiltrate and destroy a Skynet base.  He and his squad discover that humans are being rounded up and flown to an undisclosed location.  They also discover intel on the new T-800 Terminator, a machine Connor is very familiar with.

After a self-destruct mechanism kills Connor's entire squad, only Connor escaping alive, Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) stumbles out of the wreckage.  He makes his way into the ruins of nearby Los Angeles and is rescued from a T-600 by Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) and his young, mute companion Star (Jadagrace).  The three of them hear one of Connor's radio addresses, and head off into the desert in search of the resistance.

"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" (2003)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Claire Danes and Nick Stahl
Written by John Brancato and Michael Ferris
Directed by Jonathan Mostow
Rated R - Strong sci-fi violence, language, nudity
Running Time: 109 minutes

Arnold Schwarzenegger returns after a decade to the world of James Cameron's "Terminator."  The year is now 2003, John Connor (Nick Stahl) lives a life of isolation.  He has no phone, no address, no way of being tracked.  One night after crashing his motorcycle, he breaks into a veterinary clinic to steal medicine and fix his wounded leg.  There he encounters Kate Brewster (Claire Danes), a girl he knew in junior high school.

Unfortunately for John and Kate, a new Terminator has arrived in the present, once again sent by the evil computer intelligence known as Skynet.  This time, the female T-X (Kristanna Loken) has been sent to eliminate other key members of the human resistance besides John.  She goes on a killing spree, but ultimately locates John and Kate in the clinic.  Luckily, the resistance has once again managed to send a reprogrammed Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to protect John and Kate. 

Elsewhere, a computer virus is wreaking havoc with the world's digital systems and networks.  Kate's father Robert (David Andrews), in charge of the Skynet Project for the US Air Force, must decide whether to use the advanced new AI to seek out and destroy the virus.  When John learns that Kate's father is in charge of the infant Skynet, he concocts a plan to stop the war between humans and machines before it begins... once and for all.

"The Terminator" (1984)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn and Linda Hamilton
Written by James Cameron and Gale Ann Hurd
Directed by James Cameron
Rated R - Violence, language, nudity
Running time: 107 minutes

I've already reviewed James Cameron's bigger, badder sequel for this blog.  But over the weekend, I attended a double feature at the Somerville Theatre of "The Terminator" and "RoboCop."  It was fantastic.  It was great seeing these two sci-fi action classics up on a big screen with a crowd that's totally into it.

Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) is a meek young girl working a thankless job as a waitress in a busy diner in Los Angeles.  One day, two other women nearby are brutally murdered.  Both of them were named Sarah Connor, as well.  Sarah tries to contact the police, who tell her to sit tight and they'll come pick her up.  Before the police arrive, however, Sarah is discovered by the killer - a huge man with more weaponry than the local militia.  She's rescued by another man, Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) who tells her exactly what's going on: Sarah has been targeted by a Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) - a cyborg from the future intent on killing her before she can give birth to a son, John, who will lead the human resistance in a war against sentient machines.

"The Running Man" (1987)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Conchita Alonso and Richard Dawson
Written by Steven E. DeSouza
Directed by Paul Michael Glaser

Based on the novel by Stephen King, "The Running Man" stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Ben Richards, a man framed for murder who must compete in a vicious game show to win his freedom and clear his name.  The year is 2019, and the United States is now a police state run by an organization known as "The Cadre."  With corporate ties and deep pockets, the Cadre keeps the populace in line by serving up viciously violent television programming.  The most popular show on television is "The Running Man," hosted by the charismatic Killian (Richard Dawson).  Criminals are set loose in a ghetto and hunted by "stalkers," gimmicky killers with names like Sub-Zero and Dynamo.

Richards, a pilot, is arrested after refusing to open fire on innocent civilians during a food riot.  He manages to escape from prison, and attempts to find his brother in Los Angeles.  Instead, he finds Amber (Maria Conchita Alonso) who tells him that his brother has been sent for "re-education."  Richards tries to flee the country, but Amber gives him up the first chance she gets, and he's recaptured.  When Killian learns of this, he immediately gets Richards transferred to the network, and he becomes a contestant on "The Running Man."  Amber, suspecting that Richards may not be the butcher the media made him out to be, tries to find the truth and is arrested and herself sentenced to be a contestant on the show.

"Terminator 2: Judgment Day" (1991)

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton and Edward Furlong
Written by William Wisher Jr. and James Cameron
Directed by James Cameron

Unlike "Aliens," James Cameron's "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" is not wildly different from its predecessor.  In fact, it follows essentially the same plot structure, even down to setting its climax in an industrial setting like the first one.  The differences are in the details, however.  At the time, "Terminator 2" (abbreviated to "T2" in promotional materials) was the biggest and most expensive movie of all time.  This is easy to see, as the wild and intense action sequences here are pretty huge.  Whole buildings are demolished, chase sequences are lengthy and destructive, and lots of incredible digital and makeup effects are littered throughout.

T2 picks up about a decade after the original.  Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) has been arrested and forced into an insane asylum for her beliefs that robots from the future tried to kill her.  Her son, John (Edward Furlong) is being raised by two foster parents he describes as "dicks."  John is a troubled boy, the product of having such a bizarre and destructive childhood.  He believes his mother to be a complete looney, and resents her even while crediting her with his many impressive survival and computer skills.

"Predators" (2010)

Starring Adrien Brody, Alice Braga and Topher Grace
Written by Alex Litvak and Michael Finch
Directed by Nimrod Antal

"Man, I really wish the governor of California were here..."

The original "Predator" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers and Jesse "The Body" Ventura is without a doubt, a modern classic.  It features a script full of lively, discernible characters taking on one of the best movie creatures the legendary Stan Winston ever designed, and a palpable atmosphere of rising paranoia.  John McTiernan directed the shit out of what could easily have been just a shitty B-movie and created something really awesome.

But, as they say, sometimes lightning can't really strike the same place twice.  "Predator 2" was a forgettable romp that replaced Schwarzenegger with Danny Glover and the South American jungle for... Los Angeles.  Many years, comic books, action figures and video games later, the franchise would be revived with the godawful "Alien vs Predator" - one of the funniest movies I've ever seen - and the incompetent followup, "Alien vs Predator: Requiem".

Then we come to 2010, and we get "Predators."  The first true sequel in the franchise since "Predator 2," it mostly just apes the first flick (and therefore feels much more like a sequel than "Predator 2" ever does).  Instead of a team of military badasses, we get a bunch of international badasses from all walks of life: Mexican drug cartels, Yakuza, ex-military, death row inmate, the works.  These people awake in freefall thousands of feet up in the air, loaded up with guns and ammo and a parachute.

When they hit the ground, they immediately begin to meet up with each other and wonder what's going on.  They all distrust each other, but once they realize that they're all in the same boat, they realize that strength in numbers is their best option.  Taking lead is an American mercenary, Royce (Adrien Brody) and a sniper named Isabelle (Alice Braga).  They find themselves grouped up with a Russian with a gatling gun (Oleg Taktarov), a Nigerian with an AK-47 (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali), a southern death row inmate (Walton Goggins), a Mexican kidnapper with dual MP-5s (Danny Trejo), and an unarmed doctor (Topher Grace).  Marching together through the jungle that none of them recognizes, they soon begin to learn that their situation is far more dire than they'd realized: they are not on planet Earth anymore.  Instead, they have been dropped on an alien world and are being hunted by creatures they cannot see and have no concept how to kill.

While "Predators" borrows a lot from its predecessors, it smartly avoids outright aping the first film beat for beat.  In the original film, Schwarzenegger's team was picked off one by one by this creature, and they never learn anything about it - in fact, Schwarzenegger is the only one who even sees the hunter in that film.  Here, the characters learn much more about their adversaries, both by finding the alien camp and inspecting it and through their own suppositions about hunting behavior, and by meeting Noland (Laurence Fishburne) a survivor of previous hunting excursions on this planet.

Through this, we as an audience also learn more about the predators, as well.  This is the sort of interesting world building, an expansion of scope, that a good sequel is supposed to do.  While the "Alien vs Predator" movies were content to make up absurd backstories about the Predators and Xenomorphs running amok in ancient Mayan temples or whatever the hell that movie was about, "Predators" decides to take the simple setup of the first movie and expand it in far more believable directions.

The problem with "Predators" is that none of the characters are as fun or memorable as Schwarzenegger's team of badasses in the original.  While those characters all had distinct personalities, most of the characters in "Predators" are just gravely-voiced angry-looking people.  Adrien Brody, for example, speaks in a low, gritty voice the entire time, delivering declarative sentences over and over and expecting the audience to take him seriously as a dangerous person.  The problem is that Brody just can't come off as a dangerous person.  Schwarzenegger looked like he could snap you in half with his little finger, and he had the necessary presence to command his team.  Brody can do neither.

Only Walton Goggins as the jokey, douchebag death row rapist comes off as being truly memorable.  He steals every scene he's in, and gets all of the movie's best lines.  Even Topher Grace surprised me, as his usual snarky delivery ends up in an unexpected place at the end.  I originally thought I'd had his purpose in the story pegged, but I was definitely wrong on that one.  Danny Trejo is criminally underutilized.  In fact, he's really the only true badass in the entire flick, and he only appears for a few minutes.  Laurence Fishburne's role is not much more than a glorified cameo, but he does well enough with it.  His mixture of knowledge and insanity makes sense in the role, as that of a man who has survived a long time being hunted by these alien creatures on a dangerous, unknown world.

Also problematic is that these characters don't really get any memorable lines, either.  The original film was littered with (admittedly somewhat cheesy) quotable bits like, "I ain't got time to bleed," or "If it bleeds, we can kill it" or "You are one ugly muthafucka" or the ultimate classic, "GET TO THE CHOPPA!"

But these characters are really the only problem with "Predators."  Otherwise, it's a fine sequel.  The violence is pretty intense, the creature effects are solid (though the CGI 'predator dogs' were somewhat cartoonish).  I suppose I could have asked for the world to seem more alien, but the movie was shot on a limited budget and for what it's trying to do, I can't ask for much more.  The designs of the Predator creatures themselves were a good evolution from Stan Winston's original, and the differences between them have an interesting story-related explanation, as well.

There are a lot of callbacks to the original, not the least of which is John Debney's score with utilizes all of the themes in Alan Silvestri's original work.  I don't know that I'd be able to tell the differences between the scores, really, other than that Debney's sounds newer thanks to better technology available.  Unlike Marco Beltrami's adaptation of Michael Kamen's work on "Die Hard" for "Live Free or Die Hard," or John Ottman working new themes into John Williams for "Superman Returns," Debney simply writes new uses of the old themes instead of adapting them into his own work.  This helps "Predators" further feel like a sequel, grounding it firmly in that universe.  The events of the original film are also referenced, since Isabelle recounts hearing about a lone survivor of an earlier encounter with such creatures. 

By no means a classic, "Predators" is still rather enjoyable.  It's certainly better than the two dreadful "Alien vs Predator" movies, and "Predator 2".  But the original Schwarzenegger flick is just too good.  I find myself wondering if there really is any way to top that, and I don't really think there is.  The characterization of the character is too limited to really allow much expansion of the franchise.  The Predator is a hunter, and that's all it is - that limits the storytelling possibilities, and yet, it's a popular creation, and therefore, the audience wants more.  It's like if you're hungry, and all you have in the house is pasta, you make a really good bowl of pasta and you want more... It's good, but you've still only got more pasta.

"Commando" (1985)

"Commando" (1985)
Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Alyssa Milano and Rae Dawn Chong
Written by Jeph Loeb and Matthew Weisman
Directed by Mark Lester

There are probably few movies as incredibly dated as 1985's "Commando", an Arnold Schwarzenegger flick that tastes like a block of cheese from first bite to last.  Schwarzenegger stars as John Matrix, a retired special forces soldier who just wants to live a quiet life and raise his daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano).  Of course, this can't be allowed to happen since then there'd be no movie.  Jenny is promptly kidnapped, and Matrix is given an ultimatum: Work for a former enemy to take out the newly installed leader of a fictitious South American country, or the girl dies.

This, of course, is completely unacceptable to any character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.  What follows is a rampage nearly unrivaled in Schwarzenegger's filmography.  Brutally, quickly, and with unparalleled ease, Matrix kills anyone and everyone who gets in his way.   Gunfights, car chases, explosions, and cheesy-ass one-liners... "Commando" has it all.

Now, as I said, "Commando" is about as dated as it gets.  It's synth score, tinny sound effects, clothing and hair styles, everything about this movie positively screams 1985.  There's literally no way around it.  In "Commando", whenever something happens, people immediately rush to the nearest payphone.  Beyond all the details of the time, the simple truth is that they just don't make movies like this anymore.  The days of the superhuman, muscle-bound action hero are gone.  Sure, we have superhero movies up the wazoo, but it's just not  the same.  No, nowadays we often expect our action heroes to be the John McClane every-man.  Schwarzenegger's heyday has passed.

But watching "Commando" brings it all back.  By the time the ludicrously overblown finale comes along, and Schwarzenegger marches through the enemy stronghold killing dozens of men, it's hard not to be grinning from ear to ear.  The blood is brightly colored, the one-liners are terrible (and that just makes them even more hilarious) and ... well... You won't be disappointed.  "Commando" is the definition of a guilty pleasure, one that I stop and watch each and every time it's on TV.